The Golden Rule Is WRONG!!
Yes, that’s right - “Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto You,” long regarded as the simplest model for showing respect for others, is totally, irrefutably wrong.
It’s wrongheaded from its fundamental concept - that others want to be treated the same as you. They don’t - they want to be treated the way they want to be treated. THIS IS WHY IT’S SO HARD FOR MOST OF US TO GET ALONG IN THE PROFESSIONAL WORLD. We have bosses and coworkers who think differently, have different personalities and styles, like to receive information in different ways, and have different creativity. If I treat you the way I want to be treated, more than likely I will disappoint you.
Don’t get me wrong - there’s a place for the Golden Rule, and that place is grade school. Kids should learn how to treat others with respect with the most effective means available, and you can’t beat the simplicity of the Golden Rule. But adults in the workplace need something better, something more effective, that is constructed from our understanding of type, temperament, and style.
The Platinum Rule
The Platinum Rule is a name used by Dr. Tony Alessandra and others for a better version of the Golden Rule. It goes like this: “Do Unto Others As They Would Like You To Do Unto Them.” It’s a lot harder to understand and implement, because it implies that you’ll take the time to find out how they want to be treated. Fortunately, things like Myers-Briggs and KAI make this much easier.
Let’s form an example by taking two Myers-Briggs extremes - ISTJ (Tom) and ENFP (Jerry). Let’s give Tom a KAI assessment of 70 (adaptor), and Jerry a KAI of 130 (innovator). Both relate to the world differently. Both get their energy differently. Both take in and assess information differently. Both are motivated by deadlines differently. They probably keep their offices differently as well.
Now let’s put them in the same organization. If they are co-workers, team members perhaps, they will be in constant contact with one another, collaborating on projects or whatever. Here’s how they view different aspects of their job:
- Time management - Tom likes to keep a rigid schedule. Jerry likes to be flexible, motivated primarily by deadlines.
- Rules - Tom wants a rigid set of rules and processes to follow. Jerry wants a more free-formed style in the workplace - flexibility. (Guess which one will want to set his own working hours?)
- Receiving information - Tom likes to see information in a concrete, well-ordered fashion, preferably in tables. Jerry likes to see more abstract, visual forms of information.
- Decisions - Tom bases decisions on logic and facts. Jerry is more concerned with how decisions affect people.
- Expressing themselves - Tom is focused inward and likes to write. Jerry is focused outward and likes to talk.
- Creativity - from the KAI assessments we see Tom is more likely to have ideas focused on doing things better - improve the box. Jerry wants to do things different - blow up the box.
Let to their own devices, they will likely drive one another nuts. Can these guys work together? Or is it more likely that they will ask to be reassigned to different teams?
Let’s consider another arrangement - Tom works a couple of levels of management below Jerry. Jerry wants Tom to prepare a decision briefing. Being an ISTJ, Tom will base his recommendations on facts and figures, and his briefing will contain lots of detail, words and tables. Jerry will want to see facts but, being an ENFP, is more big-picture oriented. He will also want to see how the decision will affect others, and would rather see graphics and images than tables.
I’ve given you two scenarios. I’d like for you to use the Platinum Rule and make suggestions (via the handy comment form below!) for how Tom can better relate to Jerry, and vice versa. I’ll follow up later this week with my thoughts.
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12 Responses to “The Golden Rule Is WRONG!!”
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I tend to see the Golden Rule as being about reciprocity while the Platinum Rule is about initiative. The Golden Rule comes handy when there is a mutual exchange between individuals while the Platinum Rule seems effective in one way relationships where there is no expectation of a response from the other. What do you think?
Regarding your latter point, I think the Platinum Rule is most useful in a continuing relationship between people who need one another to succeed. I also think it is important in persuading others. So I disagree in that there is an expectation of a response - an approval, a continuing relationship, a sale, a persuasion.
Jerry drops an anvil on Tom’s head, duh.
Had I remembered this simple fact it would have saved me at least an hour writing the followup, but it’s almost done so oh well…
[...] Wrong, Part II) Posted on October 8, 2007 by Innovation Catalyst Last week I explained why the Golden Rule is misguided, misplaced, and just plain wrong. Today I follow up by completing two examples on how to operate under the Platinum Rule: “Do Unto [...]
In my point of view the golden rule is right. Everything is under principle. There is also a reference point for every action. Based on this understanding i believe that Tom don’t accept if even Jerry request to be swallowed by him. What i mean is if someone/Susan need to be hurt by another/ Mike, or if her interest is awful, the other/ Mike mustn’t accept it. B/se it’s a bad idea. So if we live in another world whereas their is no rule maybe the platinum rule can be accepted fully. By the way i realize that the other side of the golden rule agrees with the platinum if the interest of the other party is fair. At last, I see that denying the golden rule is like trying to use only the one side of a coin.
[...] - The Platinum Rule: “I learn about your type, style and temperament to better understand how you want to be [...]
[...] The Golden Rule Is WRONG!! Posted on September 30, 2007 by Innovation Catalyst Open Source Innovation has moved - here is the new link to The Golden Rule Is WRONG!! [...]
[...] - The Platinum Rule: “I learn about your type, style and temperament to better understand how you want to be [...]
While it is true that other people want to be treated differently than we do, the point is to value others as you value yourself. If we value others we will treat them as they wish to be treated, unless to do so would harm ourselves or others. Ah, there are always exceptions to everything.
Your argument seems trifling.
Take care,
Preston
What metal is made when you combine platinum and gold?
As mixed or seperate elements.
The Golden and Platinum Rule is Useful.
I agree it is as a two sided coin.
I’ve never heard anyone dispute OR misunderstand the golden rule…
Let me explain it to you.
It simply means that in your own personal life we all want to be treated with love, respect, consideration, and kindness. Since we all want and hope to be treated this way, we should offer these behaviors to other people.
Not that complicated.